Monday, July 04, 2011

Guess what will happen in one month and a day?

I will turn old balls.  Or 30.  Yes, after bitching about it for years, it's actually happening.  Fortunately, I can cross one of my before 30 life goals off the list, being an unmarried single mother.  Woot!  I did want to have a baby when it was probably healthier for me, so I'm glad I got babe #1 knocked out before the big 3-0.  Other than that...  well, I have an adult job.  For now.  And adult debt.  So there's that.  And now, for the gifties.  Again, K is not a holiday/birthday person, so I won't be getting anything from him and I think when you're 30 and have your own offspring your parents can cut you off and since I'm poor, this will be a lean, mean (read nonexistent) dirty 30.  But that's ok.  Instead, I will daydream aloud...

Dyson vacuum - yes, when you get old, you want boring shit for your house.

Duvet cover - same one, but now $49!  I might actually go for this...

Tom's coral canvas wedges - don't know why, but I'm digging these.  I imagine them with striped shirts, skinny jeans and statement necklaces, none of which I should be wearing.

New pillows for the eyesore of a sectional that lives in my living room - I can't get rid of the couch due to budget restraints (more accurately, K loves the thing), but I could replace the sad pillows from years ago with brighter ones that make more sense with my undecor.

Nursing friendly dress - I don't foresee the pumping ending anytime soon, so my wardrobe has been severely altered.  This little number would conceal the lopsided boobage and allow for access.

A night in luxury - silly, as this is fleeting, but the idea of a well appointed bed, room service potential, within walking distance of an excellent bar that serves well mixed Hendricks and tonics... heaven.  The problem is I'd still have to pump all night and/or miss H too much to actually enjoy.  (They have cribs!)

Lululemon Groove pants - yup, I still want them.  And also the Bliss tank.  Could hold in the girls and cover the flab.  Win.

Jo Malone Orange Blossom Cologne - I'm obsessed with smelling good, but I kind of always smell bad.  Perfume just doesn't stick to me.  Also, now I smell like maple syrup thanks to the fenugreek I guzzle by the handful to boost milk supply.  Marry me!

Ittikid wardrobe for H-man - love.these.prints.  H needs them all. Especially the elephants.

KitchenAid Pro Mixer - yeah, I still need this.

Aveda spa treatments - nothing really removes the telltale sign of being a new mom (stringy, clumpy hair; sad, sunken eyes; terrible wardrobe choices; wan, sallow skin; I could go on), but getting some help from professionals would be nice.

So, there's my super selfish, completely unrealistic wishlist for the beginning of my downhill slide.  But really, I've got my healthy tiny buddy, my needy stinky puppy, my partner in crime (sometimes literally), my fam and friends, so, it's all good.


Michael5000 said...

I am not buying you a nursing friendly dress. Well, I'm not buying you anything, especially since you're moaning about how old you will be when you continue to be thirteen years younger than me, but I'm ESPECIALLY not buying you a nursing friendly dress. Maybe I'll send you a card if I'm feeling expansive.

blythe said...

i think i'd rather be 13 years older than me. maybe then i'd stop having acne. that would be rad. but in the meantime, when you start lactating and need a functional, yet attractive dress since your body image is in the toilet because something the size of a medium watermelon was all up in then came out of your biz, don't come crying to me. actually, it's not that bad at all and i wouldn't trade it for anything, i just like j. crew and can rationalize anything. it's a gift.

G said...

What's your boob size? This is an actual question: Yeah, I know it's sold out on line, but guess who lives in NYC?

blythe said...

you do! and i don't know if i can handle writing my boob size. it makes it real. right now, 38DD. awesome! not.

blythe said...

also, that looks like a rad bra. most companies do a great job making nursing moms feel like cows with nude colored abominations, but that's actually pretty.